Blade: The Series contains language, violence and other content that may not be suitable for all audiences. No kidding! There is plenty of action and gore, starting right from the top. We see a heavily decorated officer in Moscow being pursued by a dark man on a motorcycle, heavily weaponed. Eventually, we get our first glimpse of the new Blade, played by Kirk "Sticky" Jones, as a black leather trenchcoat sweeps over black boots. Blade quickly overtakes the officer, lodging the own man's fire ax into his leg. I smile with glee as the exquisitely gory blood spurts upwards from the wound.
Now, I must warn you, this review is going to be descriptive of all aspects of the episode, so if you are not interested in being spoiled...this review is not for you.
Still interested? Okay. Blade gets the officer in Russia to tell him the whereabouts of Marcus Van Sciver, demanding to know where he's dumping the bodies. Huh? It's called a plot hook and now you want to know more.
We continue our story in Detroit, Michigan (though the show is filmed in Vancouver). I have to admit, although I knew I didn't recognize any of the architechture or streets, they did a good job of presenting this as Detroit (I live a few miles away from Detroit, so you can take my word for it). Sadly, I don't feel that Detroit was misrepresented. In fact, they speak elegantly of not forgetting the past of Detroit and make mentions to the Joe Louis Arena. The vampire who talks about it is very moving in his dialogue about the history of the buildings and the city that was built upon the auto industry. I was very pleased that they conveyed Detroit realistically, but didn't talk about the place in a derogative way. Just a little aside here: NONE of the prostitutes in Detroit look like those featured. High-class hookers simply don't walk the streets of Detroit.
Moving on...Blade the series stays true to the trilogy and the comics. Blade's car is the same as in the movies, tattoos appear identical, and Summerfield (blind scientist from Blade: Trinity) was even mentioned by Blade's new gadget-man, Shen. Sorry to disappoint audiences, but Whistler's daughter Abigail is not in the show, nor is the much-loved Hannibal King. He provided such good comic relief and I was really hoping they would use the character to work a little humor in here and there. Nope, sorry.
We meet Krista Starr, recently home from a tour. She finds out her little brother is dead (ala officers doling the news at her welcome home party) and that he was shot. The detective in charge of the case, Boone, doesn't seem to be pursuing it. Of course, Krista decides to pursue Zach's death herself. She is lured by an eerie voice in the dark, telling her he knows who killed her brother. She follows the voice and is attacked by three vampires. Blade swoops in and saves the day with his typical finesse while Krista futilely snaps off shots on her pistol.
Later, Krista finds Danny, someone who was arrested with her brother prior to his death. He drops a vial before escaping her. She noticed the tattoo on his neck and, get this, Googles the symbol. She comes across a listing for Professor Melvin Caylo and decides to check him out.
When we meet Caylo, we see a quiet, serious man...in the form of Randy Quaid. I NEVER pictured Quaid like this, but he aptly pulls off his cameo (?), filling new viewers and Krista on what the symbol means -- its a glyph for vampire familiars, humans who do the bidding of vampires -- and fills her in on who Blade is, a "daywalker" (though Caylo doesn't use that term) who is a half-breed with all the strengths of vampires and none of their weaknesses, save for the thirst. He also explains the vial she found. It is vampiric ash, an expensive product for humans that give them vampiric abilities for about an hour or two. Neat.
We get little peeks at some sort of experiment being done by vampires on vampires. They talk of a vaccine, inject said vaccine, then inject garlic. It's pretty obvious they are trying to eliminate their weaknesses. We see plenty of plastic-wrapped vampire "test subjects" for this cause.
Krista tracks down Blade, in a way. She meets the new gadget-man, an assertive Asian in his mid-twenties who is constantly insisting that his inventions always work. She checks out Blade and Shen's "lair", looking over their toys, including a "shock gun" and asks: "Isn't this a little elaborate?" Hehe. Yeah. It is, but fans love it. She goes on to ask about crosses and holy water and Blade quickly dispels those myths.
Blade, Shen, and Krista hatch a plan to infilitrate the musuem gala that Marcus Van Sciver is hosting. Sciver is a prominent businessman who has revived this old building and is also, you guessed it, an elite vampire. The plan is to put a small transpoder (tracking device) on Sciver. Sciver lets Krista play her song and dance undercover operation for a minute or two, then reveals he knows exactly who she is. Angrily, she leaves the building.
When Sciver, who looks like a more polished version of Doogie Howser) exits the gala, a man hands him Krista's earpiece, saying she left it for him. She's atop a building with a sniper rifle. They conversationally play caught and mouse, Krista assuring him of her skills, but not taking the silver bullet shot. Her attempt is again thwarted, this time by Chase, a beautiful platinum blonde vampire who looks eerily like a younger version of Hudson Leick (of Xena fame, playing Callisto). Chase knocks Krista out and takes her hostage. Blade arrives too late to save her.
Sciver, now looking sexy in a silk black rope and a strip of sleek flesh showing, taunts Krista as she struggles against her bonds holding her arms above her head, looking very much like a virgin sacrifice in a white dress. Explaining that vampires are more civilized than she realizes, he draws his blood with a syringe and injects it into our neck. Sciver (pronounced Sky-ver) takes her unconscious body and throws it off the top of the building.
Krista awakes frantically inside a body bag at the morgue. The security guard on duty hears her struggles and she almost bites him, then scurries out of the building, trying to quench her thirst with muddy water and rain. Sciver smiles invitingly at her, then takes her back to his building. When she awakens, her mind is cloudy, she feels more "alive" and sunlight burns her. Sciver, imparting his vampiric wisdom, tells her that the dream she had of him was ADE, After Death Experience, triggered by the genetic memories of her sponser (meaning him) and that they are sacred. He speaks of the society of vamires, how it is the only true living and that she is now this.
Sciver sees to it that sexy vamp vixen Chase shows a seemingly mind-addled Krista the ropes, including how to see the invisible vampiric glyphs. Chase also warns Krista from ever going near the House of Leichen. Clearly, vampires have different castes and Houses (Chase and Marcus belong to House of Chthon).
Blade coerces Danny to tell him who would know where to find someone who "disappeared", leading him to Boone, the vampire familiar who has been feeding prostitutes to the test subjects. Blade follows Boone to the facility (American Butchers--too funny) and comes upon the test subjects, who attack him and hold up his rescue mission. He is determined to find Krista before she feeds.
Sciver lets his second-in-command, Fritz, be injected with the new vaccine.
Blade comes upon Krista feeding on her first kill -- Boone. She hates him for brushing her brother's death under the rug and for being a part of his death. Before Blade can get to Krista, he is attacked and being shot at. Eventually, he manages to inject Krista with the synthetic serum to "clear her mind", as she's been behaving like she's in a dream and follows whatever she's told.
Blade is attacked by Fritz and is dismayed to find he is immune to silver. Weakened and knowing the fight is lost, Blade escapes the facility, leaving Krista behind. When he returns in daylight, everyone is gone, including the test subjects.
Krista tests out her vampiric abilities, jumping from one rooftop to one hundreds of feet away. She finds herself at her brothers grave, contemplative of her new identity, struggling with it. Blade comes upon her and tells her that he wants to work with her, that she is in deep with the elite society of vampires, and that her brother was his contact before her. She accepts.
In the final scene, we see the traitorous Boone awaken as a vampire. He's been begging Sciver to be "made", to wit Sciver would angrily explain that Boone was not worthy of being a vampire. He laughs happily...until he realizes he is a vampiric test subject. Oh, too bad!
Now that I've recapped the episode, I'd like to say that I think the writers did a good job with this pilot and of balancing the backstory of the Blade series, while still providing an interesting and fresh plot. All the characters on the canvas are interesting and well-written. You feel their history, even though you don't yet know it. Chase let one snippet about her go to Krista: "My husband made me...and has lived to regret it".
Although slow-going at first, you soon become deeply immersed in the story and hang on to every word. Spike TV brought in 2.5 Million viewers with The Blade pilot and I'm sure the ratings will continue to please the network. I certainly will continue to watch, particularly because of Chase, played by Jennifer Gower. Jill Wagner is believable and likeable as Krista, and although Jones feels a little stiffer than the Wesley Snipes' Blade, he still feels authentic. If you liked the movie trilogy and/or the comics, you're bound to enjoy Blade: The Series.
Two struggling networks, UPN and The WB, have decided merge their companies and form a new network, The CW (the C for CBS and the W standing for Warner Bros). Both networks have had a few successful shows, but mostly they were small fish in an ocean of sharks like ABC. The network will debut September 18, 2006 and will have a mixed line-up from The WB and UPN's more popular shows. The line-up includes well-received shows from UPN -- Everybody Hates Chris, Girlfriends, America's Next Top Model, Veronica Mars, and Smackdown. The WB's contributions for CW are: Gilmore Girls, Smallville, Supernatural, One Tree Hill and 7th Heaven.
I believe that UPN's viewship deflated when it lost Star Trek: Voyager, Roswell and finally, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. These were what attracted a large audience, even though BtVS and Roswell were not originally a part of UPN. The only show that really held UPN afloat afterwards was the largely popular Smackdown. UPN never could find its niche. Was it a sci-fi network, a comedy network? The WB, on the other hand, was bogged down with production costs for their sci-fi dramas. It was quite expensive for the effects on BtVS, which ultimately led to UPN purchasing it. Despite a huge campaign of fans sending bottles of tasbasco sauce to The WB in an effort to save Roswell, the show was cancelled and picked up by UPN.
UPN lacked good shows that captured viewers, while The WB was struggling financially despite a range of high-rated shows, such as Angel and Gilmore Girls. The production costs for 7th Heaven continued to grow, due to the rising price of the actors, now in their 10th year. It was speculated that 7th Heaven would finally be axed after a decade because although it pulled in ratings for the network, the budget was becoming overwhelming. With the merge of UPN and The WB, the decision has been put to rest to give 7th Heaven an 11th season.
Gilmore Girls has also danced with the question, "Will there be another season?" For now, the answer is yes. The show had lost a number of viewers in the third season when Rory went off to college. There was less innocence about the show and it felt stiff seeing the two main characters, Lorelai and her daughter Rory, talking to one another over the phone. Gone were Rory's private school outfits and long hair, gone was Rory's best friend Lane always around. Don't get me wrong, the characters were all still on the show, but it had a different vibe with Rory living an hour away at Yale and the mother/daughter bond stretched thin, with Lorelai busying opening her inn (The Dragonfly) and Rory adjusting to college.
Despite critical acclaim and numerous wonderful reviews, Veronica Mars failed to reach many viewers and Smackdown seemed to be the only heavy-hitter for UPN. With one network failing on the budget side and the other failing to captivate audiences with its programming, it seems more than logical for the two to merge, creating a good mixture of a line-up that will entice viewers to watch shows they might not have otherwise. If you'll notice, Gilmore Girls will be premiering Tuesday at 8pm, it's original timeslot on The WB, followed by Veronica Mars to help "prop" the following show. This tactic is used quite often by networks, putting the more popular show on first and the one that needs help right after. Viewers seem to watch what follows a popular show. I can't say why. I wouldn't be surprised if we caught a few pop-culture references on Gilmore Girls regarding Veronica Mars. The WB did this same thing with having Jen on Dawson's Creek mention that she had to go home because "Roswell is on in 5 minutes". And guess what? It did help a little with Roswell's viewership.
So, just a reminder, The CW kicks off September 18th and if you want to check out their grab bag of shows or watch episode clips, or just check out their line-up, go to The CW Television Network.
Bloodrayne has the potential to be a juicy, intriguing and visually stunning movie about vampire lore. Bloodrayne was originally a video game by Majesco that spawned into a big budget movie, featuring Kristanna Loken as Rayne(you might remember her as the sexy T-X in Terminator 3). Being a fan of the game and its premise, I was hopeful that the movie would be just as fun and exciting. Sadly, it falls short of the mark. This movie could have been all I hoped for had it been written intelligently
and had an interesting plot.
It takes place in eighteenth century Romania. Rayne is a dhampir -- half-human, half-vampire. She has weaknesses of vampires (such as an 'allergy' to water) and strength of humans (she can touch a cross). Her character is hell-bent on avenging her mother's rape by her father. Now, in addition to her 'blood rage' when she gets a taste of blood, this has the elements of being a terrific movie -- it's just not. The plot jumps around and is never consistent and you really don't care at all about the heroine or any one else in the film. The antagonist is a two-dimensional King of the Vampires named Kagan, i.e. her father, of course. Kagan wants an amulet, Rayne wants it because she doesn't want him to have it. Argh. It just seems like 18th century teenage rebellion.
Loken's other castmates include Sebastion, Vladimir, and Katarin of the Brimstone
society -- vampire hunters. Katarin is played by Michelle Rodriguez. Honestly, I like
Rodriguez, but it's absolutely hilarious to see her attempt to pull off an old English
accent. Again, Rodriguez doesn't try to expand her range. She yet again plays
'The Tough Girl', as we've seen in Girl Fight, Blue Crush, and more recently on LOST.
It's disappointing to say the least.
Sebastian, played by Matthew Davis, is of course, Rayne's love interest -- though you
don't realize it until they are having sex. There is no lead-up to this. No real
conversations between them, no longing looks, no CHEMISTRY whatsoever. You're
watching the movie, hoping it will get better and suddenly have a more interesting
plot, when all of a sudden, Rayne jumps Sebastion in the dungeons. It comes off as
very pornographic and not really relevant to the story, other than to FORCE the
viewers to believe they have some bond.
Everything plays out in a very formulaic way. The story falls dead pretty much as
soon as it starts. I AGAIN say that this could have very well been a great movie,
had a great writing team been put behind it. This was pure teenage boy gratification
and nothing more. The only high note for me was the appearance of Billy Zane (oddly
enough, as Michelle Rodriguez' father). I have no idea why he would take a small part
in this atrocious movie or attach his name to it in any way. I'm ashamed that I even
watched this piece of garbage all the way through to the end.
My advice: Play the video game. Don't watch the movie -- and I use that term
EXTREMELY loosely.
(Boston Public)
Harry Senate:
Thanks. Uh...what a turnout. Thanks for choosing me. The idea of being
able to serve..uh...Well, of all the causes to take up...AIDS, cancer, hunger,
poverty...I've always felt there was something special about people who
commit themselves to guns. Anyone, I suppose, could contribute to a shelter
or help the needy but it takes a true American to dedicate himself to firearms.
And you know what, we need people like you. Our country is getting a bad
rap just because we kill each other. Well, that's manly--shooting people. The
United States...this is where men live. Australia? All their stupid bragging
about how tough they are in the outback? They get about 15 gun homicides a
year, what the hell is that? We get 10,000. The Japanese are even more
pathetic. In 1999, for kids between 15 and 19, they didn't have one handgun
murder. Not one! We had over 5,000. Our teenagers are tough. But it can't
happen unless we get the guns out there into their hands and for that we need
committed, good people like all of you. We got these idiots in Washington who
think it's wrong for teenagers to have assault rifles. The stupid Democrats think
we should have 10-day waiting periods. Well, what happens if you need to kill
someone today? Next thing, the government will try to crack down on incest
and we won't be able to breed future N.R.A. members. I mean, we're talking
about the toothless illiterates that make this country great. This is America...Get a gun.
********************************************************************
(Army of Darkness)
Ashley J. 'Ash' Williams:
Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick!
It's a 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can
find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was
made in Grand Rapids, Michigan; retails for about one hundred nine, ninety-five.
It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right, shop
smart, shop S-Mart!
****************************************************************
(National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
Clark W. Griswold:
I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from
his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane, with all the other rich
people, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head. And,
I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying,
no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred,
overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless,
heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of
monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holly Shit! Where's the Tylenol?
************************************************************************
(Fight Club)
Tyler Durden:
[I] see in Fight Club, the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see
all this potential. And, I see squandering. God damn it! An entire generation
pumping gas, waiting tables: slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing
car and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're
the middle children of history, man--no purpose or place. We have no great war.
No great depression. Our great war's a spiritual war. Our great depression is our
lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires
and movie gods and rock stars . . . but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact
and we're very, very pissed off.
*************************************************************************
(Fight Club)
Tyler Durden:
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're
not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not you fucking
khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
*****************************************************************************
(Mallrats)
Rene Mosier:
I have always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you asked
me to do a striptease to the theme from Mighty Mouse, I said okay. When we
were at that hotel prom night, and you asked me to sleep underneath the bed in
case your mother burst in, I did it. And, even when we were at my grandmother's
funeral and you told most of my relatives that you could see her nipples though
her burial dress, I let it slide. If you think that I'm gonna suffer anymore of your
shit with a smile now that were broken up, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment!
(Mallrats)
Brodie Bruce:
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it
at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing
for my relatives and all. But, the next week, he did it again--difference cat, same
results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a
week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And, I says to him, "Jesus, Walt,
what are you doing?! You know you're just going to get this cat stuck in your ass,
too." And, he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?"
**********************************************************************
(Pump Up the Volume)
Mark Hunter:
Now, I'm depressed. Now, I feel like killing myself, but, luckily, I'm too depressed
to bother.
Mark Hunter: Feeling screwed up in a screwed up place, in a screwed up time, does not mean
that you are screwed up.
*******************************************************************
(The Ref)
Lloyd Chasseur:
You know what mom? You know what I'm gonna get you next Christmas? A big
wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can
climb up and nail yourself to it.
***********************************************************************
(Star Trek: First Contact)
The Borg: We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your
biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to
service us.
**********************************************************************
(Angel)
Doyle: See, you need to chat people up a bit more casual like, you know? "Hi,
what's your name? How's life treating you? What's that you say? Minions from
hell getting you down?"
***********************************************************************
(Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Buffy: It is a statistically impossible for a 16-year-old girl to unplug her phone.
Whistler: Y'know, raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun. You're never
going to get the good stuff.
*************************************************************************
(Charmed)
Prue: How come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness, Or housekeeping, or even
that really big bald guy, Mr.Clean. I would so totally take him on.
************************************************************************
(The Invisible Man series)
Darien: The Scottish philosopher, Balfour, said that "Destiny is the scapegoat
we make responsible for our crimes." He was probably right, too. This philosophy,
known as determinism, was best summed up by Doris Day with the words "Que
sera, sera." Now, I'm not saying she was right, but if it was between Doris and
the Scottish dude, I'd party with her any day."
Darien: The Nobel prize-winning smartass named George Bernard Shaw once
said that "Liberty means responsibility, that it why most men dread it." Try telling
that to someone who's been implanted with an artificial gland and subsequently
enslaved by a government agency.
Darien: Could you explain something for me? Now that I can go invisible, I can't
be let out of sight? How does that make any sense?
Darien: Liz's motto for goodbye was always "Faster's better." Kinda like tearing
off a band-aid. Of course if the wound beneath hasn't healed yet, nothing helps
except time. And time leaves a big nasty scar we call the past. And that's the
hardest prison to break free from, 'cause most of your life, you can't even see
the walls.
Darien: Thoreau said, "We are paid for our suspicions by finding what we suspected."
That's why paranoia can't protect you. 'Cause no matter how much you think
they're out to get you... you have no idea.
Hobbes: Leave it to you to out-depress a cemetary.
Darien: I was quoting Allianora.
Hobbes: I was correcting the quote.
Darien: Don't correct my quote.
**********************************************************************************
Absolutely amazing. I hesitated to watch this movie, but finally gave in. I was surprised to find myself so completely drawn into the story. The special effects, the storyline, everything. There is not a lot of "down time" in this movie. Unlike similar films, this one doesn't give you time to sigh a breath of relief. It's one eye-opener after another. I don't know how they were able to make the original film because there is so much about this story that necessitates having great special effects. Truly, without them, this movie would be very disappointing. Dakota Fanning was great. Although her character's screeching was horrible to hear, it was very realistic of the situation they are in. In fact, I found that the reactions of all the characters felt genuine. After the basic premise and the effects, you have a story of human nature. What is so disturbing is how accurate the portrayal of mankind is. Mostly, I want to impart to you that this movie just DOESN'T STOP. Finally, it leaves you with an acceptable ending. I can say no more. Watch this movie.
Since watching this movie, I really have the urge to read other fiction by H.G. Wells. H.P. Lovecraft also has crazy fiction. If you have seen and/or read Dagon (or his other stuff), you will know what I mean.
I have realized that my reviews have all been good. Well, I've seen a lot of good movies lately, oddly enough. However, I never reviewed Cursed. I'm not going to go in-depth about it--I don't want to relive it. This movie is a steaming pile of dogshit. Wes Craven's movies are never funny, nor scary. When I see his name attached, I don't watch it. If I am forced to watch it (or I didn't realize my imminent boredom until I saw his name in the beginning credits), I heave a black sigh. This was such an absolutely horrible movie and I can't believe millions were spent making this. Shitty effects, lame storyline. How about I just finish off with an example: The werewolf actually calls the main character a bitch (in a guttural werewolf voice) and gets pissed off when the main character insults them. It's just ridiculous crap that never should have been greenlit.
A moment of silence please.
The following are much beloved shows that died at the hands of merciless suits who didn't care about the fan base behind it....
Roswell--It had a great cast, original story and compelling drama/sci-fi. You never knew what would come out of Roswell next. The stories were very enthralling and drew you in. I also liked this show because it reminded my of high school, or rather, how I wished high school was.
Angel--The saddest one in my mind. Angel was dark, gothic, funny, and engaging. Every year was trumped by the next. Joss Whedon could surprise you with his comedy or break your heart with tragedy. It was a complex saga of a vampire champion, trying to redeem his soul. First, they killed off Doyle at episode 9, then they canceled the show after 5 seasons. The show did not have enough time to properly tie off loose ends and therefore, many people were displeased with the finale. I thought it was okay, considering their time constraint. Before they got the news, you could tell the show was really winding up for a big storyline involving Illyria (who I named my daughter after). Alas. There were so many more stories that could have been told on Angel.
Young Americans--If you are saying 'huh' that is because it was axed quickly. The WB ran it during the summer, and therefore, it got low ratings. This show was charming and sweet and had a lot of potential. I still have some of the episodes on tape, but it's a shame that this show didn't continue and left us with a semi-cliffhanger that will never be answered.
Grosse Point--very cute comedy about actors on a tv show similar to '90210'. They were all backstabbing and mean, except for 2 characters. It was funny. I'm not losing sleep over this one, but why can't the WB give anything half a chance? They let 7th Heaven and Felicity run FOREVER, but any decent show gets knocked off in a heartbeat.
Popular--shut up. It was a guilty pleasure and it was cute and funny.
Tarzan--I did not watch this when it originally aired, but seeing it now, I wish I had. At the same time, maybe it's better that I didn't get excited about another WB show that would get canceled faster than you can say 'canceled'.
Kingdom Hospital--A bit slow, but that's how Stephen King is and before you know it, you are completely enthralled with the story and MUST have more. Truly, you must watch a few episodes to get into it, but it's worth it.
Tru Calling--I would have listed this higher up, but I am not ranking these in order of calibur. Yet another series laid to rest in the graveyard of canceled shows before it's time. Despite Jason Presley, this was a phenomenal show that only got 1 1/2 seasons and also left us with a COMPLETE cliffhanger never to be answered. Tru's father used to have Jason Presley job and he knows that Tru's days rewind, etc., etc. And Harrison. I loved that character/actor so much. He was the coolest loser on tv.
Dark Shadows: The Revival Series--A sweeping drama set in both the present and the past. It had witches, vampires, and time travel. The characters were all great and the story just kept you begging for more. The WB (damn them) was supposed to have a new Dark Shadows series following this one, but unfortunately, it was canceled before it even aired the first episode.
Quantum Leap--I know it was sort of formulaic, but the premise was so interesting and it really delved deeper when they introduced another Leaper. I loved Al.
And the most recent: Arrested Development. It has been announced the FOX has canceled it despite a growing fan base and critical acclaim. A hilarious show with surprising humor that you can't help but laugh out loud.
My lament is over, mostly because I cannot think of any others at the moment. Now, you may go back to enjoy your currently-on-the-schedule programs and try not to get misty thinking about the graveyard of lost shows.
Everyone mentions the visually stunning aspect of Sin City. What I found even more evocative was the pulpy narrative of the characters as they make their way through the story. The simple way in which they speak draws you in, forces you to listen to their eloquent words. The prose runs over your mind and speaks to you. Seriously. Although I greatly appreciated the beautiful actors, and there are many big name actors here, it was the words that had the greatest impact. The story follows 3 different men, each theme captivating all by itself. The entire movie is dark and gritty. My kind of movie. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed watching this and how when it was over, I wanted more.
Each character seemed real, flesh and blood. Even when they weren't typically likeable, you rooted for them and still liked them. In fact, the most "unlikeable" character was the most enjoyable. The story just climbs higher and higher, until it reaches it's peak. You are left satisfied. Hehe. Just when you thought it couldn't get any more exciting or interesting, it does.
Visually. My, oh, my. Typically, I hate black and white, but this one surprised me. They colorize certain elements of the film. For example, Becky's eyes are bright blue and Goldie's hair is radiant blonde. The result is wonderful. Other aspects, visually, is the many different eras blended into one. It's very clever and engaging.
The characters. I, for one, wish I could be a character in this film, specifically Miho. You'll understand if you watch the movie. They are admittedly over-the-top, but they are strong, sure characters, and of course, beautiful. Most of them anyway. I love the whole deal with the women. They don't make them weak or whiny. Instead, they are intelligent and strong. I don't want to reveal too much about the movie, although even if I did you would still love it. Basically, when you see Robert Rodriguez' name as director, you know you are in for a supreme treat.
If you are looking for an Australian horror film about zombies mixed in with a little comedy, this is a movie for you. Each turn of the story becomes more and more strange. There is a fisherman with a seemingly endless supply of guns and ammo. In one point in the story, two guns actually pop out of somewhere in his backside. The guns popping out dramatically are part of the charm of the fisherman named Marion.
Then you've got the "Catch of the Day" beauty queen, who actually looks like a crack addict. She's the only 'straight' character in the movie, as opposed to everyone has who are 'second bananas'. She is the least goofy character, though she is quite stupid.
It's not chock full of comedy, but there are many moments that bring a smirk, such as Marion proclaiming: "They attacked me with their zombie fish!" That line is actually in the movie and no one thinks its weird.
In another scene, the characters have removed their clothes because they got acid rain on them and they are walking around the town in their underwear, save for Marion, who is buck ass naked.
As for the weirdness...there are so many weird turns, so many goofball parts. The characters talk with an Australian accent and slang (but not too heavily) and say words like "Oi!" That in itself is funny. Oh, and the best part--Marion has this gun that is actually three shotguns lined up together and he pulled one trigger and they shoot simutaneously. Very awesome guns in this movie.
Anyway, if you're in the movie for a strange movie like this, rent Undead.
I was pleasantly surprised about this movie. I hadn't heard much about it, and what I did hear was negative, plus Paris Hilton is in it. While starting out like a typical slasher film complete with hokey exposition and predictable characters, it did shock you many times by going a step further than you thought it would. I wouldn's say this was a scary movie or a creepy movie, but it was definitely cringe-worthy. I'm sorry to be vague, but I don't want to give anything away if you have not seen it.
I was disappointed that Paris Hilton did not die early and that her death was boring. She should have gotten the first death. That would have made me happy for weeks. However, several deaths did make me gasp in delight.
The opening scene sets the tone for the whole movie. The only word to describe it is 'disturbing'. Now, some things were typical of a horror movie, as though its a prerequisite, such as: running up the stairs when you should be running out the door, stopping too long and talking about crap while you know you are being chased and you're wasting time, not trying to hotwire a car and get out of there but instead they stay to see if their friends are alive. Sorry, but if you've been gone for hours and you went somewhere dangerous, I'm going to go ahead and assume that you're dead and save my own ass).
There is a great scene in the bonus features called 'Jennifer Killed'. That should have been in the movie. Really. Also in the bonus features is a gag reel. It's amusing, but Paris Hilton's scream is so dreadful...in a bad way. Whatever happened to the real screamers, like the girl in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre? That girl could belt out a chilling, gutural scream without breaking a sweat. What you see of Paris Hilton's screaming and "acting" in the final movie is horrible, but when you see the numerous takes before they settled on what they put in the movie, you're just wondering why they cast her. Oh yeah, because she's famous-for-nothing Paris Hilton. There's a scene in the movie where Paris is telling someone to stop filming her and I laughed out loud. Who does she think she's kidding?
If you can get over some farfetched things, i.e. A wax museum /completely/ made of wax, bringing someone you hate on a trip, and Paris Hilton not constantly complaining that she is in the woods, then this is a very cringe-worthy movie that is worth the $3 rental fee. I had the assumption going in that this would be "Oh, look at the creepy wax figures" kind of movie, but really it was more than that.
One last thing that bugged me though: Paris Hilton just /had/ to put her "trademark" phrase in the movie: "That's hot". I tried to pretend Paris Hilton was not in the movie and just enjoy it, and I did.
I have been in love with medieval fiction since I was in my mid-teens. I read Morte D' Arthur, Mists of Avalon, etc. One of the stories I loved the most was the story of Tristan & Isolde. Finally, someone else realized this story was more poetic, dramatic, tragic, and beautiful--WAY better than the classic Romeo & Juliet, and written a LONG time before William Shakespeare was even born. To this day, I am enamored with medieval fiction and I love to "live" in that world.
I'm not quite ready to do my review. I wanted to mention the wonderful tale of the love triangle of King Arthur, his Queen Guinevere, and his best friend and knight of the Round Table, Lancelot. Lancelot meets Guinevere prior to her becoming queen. They fall in love. His best friend and king, Arthur, marries her and takes her as his queen, and so Lancelot and Guinevere's love is forbidden. They continue to love each other as years pass. Arthur eventually realizes it, but accepts it--he loves his wife as well as his best friend Lancelot (though not in a pervy way). I just love stories about doomed lovers, their love feels more eloquent. Anyway, after years of trying to conceive an heir, Arthur invites Lancelot into the royal bed, in hopes that Lancelot can impregnate Guinevere. From there, things get rough for the three. I won't ruin it for you, if you don't know the rest. I haven't even mentioned Arthur having sex with his sister, Morgaine, creating the one and only heir to the throne--a product of incest. In some stories, Morgaine devised this plot, but in some versions, they are both innocent victims. They hadn't seen each other since they were children and were both masked during a ritual both had to complete. Morgaine realizes he is the father of her child later, but doesn't tell her brother. So, we've got a romantic and tragic love triangle, incest, backstabbing from other family members, and trying to manage keeping the Saxons at bay, etc.
So you know, this will more detailed than a typical review. So...Tristan is a knight of Arthur's. Tristan is from Cornwall. He is supposedly the best swordsman ever (don't stories always go like that--Lancelot is also supposed to be the best swordsman too).
Hmm...I'll start with the movie. Thinking Tristan is dead after a battle, his fellow knights send him on a boat and light in on fire. The fire dies and he is unscathed. He arrives across the way in Ireland and is found and tended to be Isolde. They fall in love and then he must make a hasty retreat back to Cornwall because the Irish warriors have discovered that he is there (they don't know specifically who he is). Isolde had lied about her identity.
Later, the King of Ireland offers his daughter, Isolde, as a prize in a tournament for the knights of Cornwall. Tristan goes and wins the tournament as his King's champion (his adoptive uncle Mark, whom he loves as a father and vice versa). Isolde is excited when Tristan wins, thinking she will get to marry him. She is crestfallen to learn that she will now be married to Tristan's uncle. Tristan did not realize that the King of Ireland's daughter was Isolde, as she had told him that her name was Bragnae and that she was a lady's maid. When he sees who he has won for Mark, he is also crestfallen, but it is too late. This will restore peace between Ireland and Cornwall, and also unite the tribes. There cannot be any reneging on this.
***In the stories, Tristan and Isolde accidentally drink a potion that would make the drinkers forever in love with the first person they viewed after drinking it. Well, this only further solidified that their love would always be as strong as it was. The potion was meant for Isolde and Marke, but Isolde and Tristan drank it on the voyage back to Cornwall.
So...Mark and Isolde marry and Tristan and Isolde are tormented by their love for each other. Tristan is bond my duty, loyalty, and love for his uncle, who truly ends up loving Isolde. They sneak around to see each other. In the movie, not much time passes, but in the stories, Tristan and Isolde get away with their trysts for years.
Sorry, back to the movie version...eventually they get caught and well...I'm not going to let you know the rest. Even if I did write the details, it doesn't detract from the story at all. It is still beautiful.
James Franco is a wonderful actor (you may remember him from the Spider-man movies as Peter's best friend or from Freaks and Geeks). He has not yet been given his due credit. I think he has a wonderful range. He doesn't look flawless, but is nonetheless attractive. He is very talented and well-deserving of the hefty role of Tristan. His face is exquisitely expressive when showing Tristan's torment of knowing his true love belongs to another. I don't know who the girl is (don't care). She's beautiful, she did a good job, but she really wasn't a stand-out. A handful of other actresses could have handled the role of Isolde with equal or better talent. Still, she is the other lead and did a good job.
****Some differences from the stories and the movie--in almost every story, Mark is a complete dickhead. The movie made Mark a noble and respectable man, one who loved Isolde, who treated her like a precious treasure, who was kind and fair and just a wonderful human being. He lost a hand saving Tristan as a child. He was not able to save Tristan's parents, but he managed to save Tristan and raise him like a son, alongside his sister's son (Mark's nephew), Melot. I really like that they gave the story more depth by making Mark a good man.
Some other differences: 1) the story was stretched out over several years, 2) Mark was pissed when he found out about Tristan & Isolde only because of how it would look to his men--that he couldn't control his own wife, 3) Tristan was sent deliberately to Isolde, his men knowing he was alive and knew that Isolde was the "best bestest healer"--if he had any chance, it was Isolde. They disguised Tristan as an Irishman and delivered him to Isolde in Ireland, 4) In some stories, Isolde's /father/ is dead, and her mother is the Queen of Ireland. This varies from story to story. There are more differences, but too many to mention because there are so many versions of the tale of Tristan and Isolde.
I don't know how many guys would like this movie or deem it a "chick flick". Unlike The Notebook, it certainly is not going to induce tears. However, it is very powerful and beautiful. It is a tangled skein (thanks Piers Anthony) of a sense of loyalty, duty, honor, true love, love of a king, love of an uncle/father figure, love of your countrymen, torment, deception, forbidden but undeniable love.
Tristan is involved in other Camelot stories, too, but this is like his "feature story"--his own tale, really. It's an offshoot of Arthur's stories, just like The Green Knight is an offshoot. If you like this movie, read Rosalind Miles' books (a trilogy) on Tristan & Isolde. But, to cap off this "review"--Romeo and Juliet have NOTHING on Tristan & Isolde. This isn't a couple of whiny, rebellious 13 year olds who are affected by puppy love. There are more elements to Tristan + Isolde--to be together could mean a nation at war. Their actions affect more than a family, they affect their fellow countrymen, their love could start a war and so much more. See...pure, true love that is denied...the torment...it will always be one of my favorites and I am so grateful that someone finally made this into a movie. It's too bad it didn't do too well in theatres, but neither did The Notebook, and now EVERYONE has seen it and cried. Hopefully, rental numbers will go up for Tristan & Isolde.
At the same time, I liked having this story all to myself. I have never met anyone else who'd heard the story. They were always interested after I had told them some of what this very complicated story entailed, but...Well, it was just my own thing. I'm having a very hard time explaining this. When Mists of Avalon was finally made into a mini-movie on TNT, I was happy too, but at the same time, I felt a little protective of what had been a much-loved book that I've read 3-4 times. Also, you nitpick all the things that got left out. Once someone has seen the movie, no one reads the book, which is long, but SO much better. Jason has watched (and loved) Mists of Avalon--by the way, Sara, I want my dvd of Mists of Avalon back, please; yes, you still have it. Anyway, I'm trying to stop feeling selfish about my movies and encourage others to read the book and watch the movie. I wouldn't have bothered to write this lengthy blog if I didn't feel it was worth it. Either I absolutely HATE a movie and review it, or I absolutely LOVE a movie and review. I need to think up my own slogan, like "5 out of 5 stars" or "two thumbs up". Any suggestions??